This Stinks

what stinks? the fact that i have to feel hurt every time his family is around. i feel like i could not do anything else but to go with the flow with whatever is up their sleeves. i am so not into this thing and hell yes, i am so sensitive or maybe over reacting to things. but fyi i have always been weeping and the feeling is always the same. i guess it is insecurity? jealousy? i mean i am not being fair on my side because i am a little bias over my mom to his family and that went clear on me today because he started to open it up that the case wasn’t closed because of some interruptions and now i am having this stinky feeling again that i am off the coast.

i need some break.

i want to go out alone before having dinner with him and the family. i want to grab a drink at starbucks and that one holiday sticker would make things calmer. i am sure of it. what would i do at a coffee shop when i am in such a down mode? i would read whatever magazine they have or just write about anything that popped up in mind. oh dear. i am being rude.

right now i am ignoring his proposal for watching a movie because i don’t really feel like watching anything with him. it is sort of a revenge but hey, i don’t think it that way. it’s just that i want to feel myself as a whole just for an hour? i want something i don’t know exactly what that would be. i feel like the earth is turning upside down and the stars are falling over me. it’s not healthy. it is not what i expect things would be when his family is around.

dizzy right at the moment. i cannot even face my darling son as he plays with his aunts and uncles (kids) and seeks attention from me. this really stinks. who would have thought that i would be online rambling about a half day’s work? what? a half day’s work and there really wasn’t any work done.

hub is sleeping as i write this post so it’s safe. no one reads this who knows who i really am and thank god for the relatives-off-the-computer day and it’s my schedule. way to go! oh by the way, i created my twitter profile today! follow me there, ai?

it’s saturday and may you all have a happy weekend! don’t go along with what just happened to me. tsk. bad bad.

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