Words

Some say that actions speak louder than words. But actions are temporary. Words are forever. ~Jenna

I have been avoiding the painful sword of words that might come out of my mouth ever since the day I found out she was backstabbing. And then I talked to her about it and there it started the “Me” walking on the safe side of the road. It’s not that I am threatened or intimidated by her. It’s just that she is so wrong about everything: about life, relationships, and even marriage. She does not understand a thing. Why can’t she be open minded and just accept whenever she is in the wrong?

First impressions last, they say.

My first impressions on her: beautiful. smart. secretive. trouble.

And maybe only three of those will last forever. Her relationships were on and off and she is always overacting over them. Her life is…I don’t know. Yes, she might be on the right track but inside her house I could not laugh out loud more with her actions. It’s not that I am being judgmental. It’s just that everything I see I keep on recalling how things are in our home. She wouldn’t survive a day if she were in my shoes at our house. I just could not imagine it. But there. And came “The Talk”. She insists on things she does not know. She tells me things which are ridiculous. She makes a big deal of things that shouldn’t be such a big fuss. She does not speak nor act as her age and to think that I’m just a year ahead of her. I realized I am way too matured than her even if I think I am still immature. I could not believe her words. They hurt. They make me cry. They sting. But I did not cry in front of her. She cried. She poured her heart out even when she’s wrong. Even when she’s the one I should have slapped.

Never cry in front of your enemy. Tears represents your defeat, my sister’s friend told me that.

I went to our room and cried out my heart and soul to him. I was thinking that I was mistaken–that I was the wrong one. I was thinking that I should have been frank and straightforward with my feelings and with my everyday life with her. But he told me to stop crying because she was in the wrong, not I. I undoubtedly believed it but I could not stop the tears. I cannot put the fact out of my head that she does not want me in her life. I cannot swallow the words she just told me.

So I prayed. I made the sign of the cross and talked to God for I don’t know how long and I asked for forgiveness. That He may forgive me for being wrong and that He may bless her for doing what is right and for planning her unpredictable life. I thanked God for putting me in my place, for giving me what I have right now and for letting me live where I stand today. I also thank God for making me the person who I am today.

I may not have graduated from a degree yet and she may be successful in just graduating. But in my eyes and inside me I know I am more compassionate and learned than her. I am boastful because I have something in me that she does not have and I know it. But I will not tell her that. I will not show her anything. I will let her do everything she wants and let her realize her faults by herself. I shall keep my tongue shut until the day I could show the world what I am capable of.

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